Who said life is fair?
"This is not fair"... Every little child has said this more than once. From the earliest memories of childhood, we have felt that life was unfair. "That is not fair" we cried to our care-takers when it appeared that a sibling or a friend got the toy we felt we deserved; we sulked as someone in 5th grade was picked for a team instead of us. As teenagers, we marveled at the unfairness of the pretty girl with the fair and smooth skin while we battled acne and unruly hair OR the jock who appeared to get all the girls while no one noticed us, despite our best efforts to act cool. We longed to grow up, hoping we would one day be successful enough to escape the unfairness of life.
And then... we become adults and yet life still seems unfair. We finish school and can't get a job, although those who graduated the lowest in our class are employed; the girl we like still doesn;t know that we are alive OR the man we love is in love with our best friend. Life is unfair.
From the simplest events in our lives, to the most complicated issues that we face, the refrain echoes louder and louder every day. Life is unfair. This is a fact. People do not get what they deserve, life is unfair. The question then is not whether life is fair or not. But rather, how do we deal with the unfairness of life in a way that prevents us from burying our heads in the sand and giving up on the business of living?
May I suggest the following?
1. Shift the focus off your weaknesses and limitations. Life seems most unfair when the focus is on my shortcomings. It is a known fact that whatever we feed grows. The more I focus on my limitations and my weaknesses, the larger those limitations and weaknesses loom in my own mind. We know that no one is perfect - every one has things that they are not good at - it is just part of being human. Instead of focusing on perceived or actual limitations, why not take a few minutes to write down the things that you are good at? Go ahead - for just a few minutes, focus on your strengths and your accomplishments and you will find out, that someone else is looking at you and marveling at why you got all the breaks:)
2. Shift the focus off other people. Someone once said that comparison is the greatest stealer of joy. Often times, the more I compare myself to other people, the worst off my life appears to be. This seems to be a huge problem in these days of pervasive social media. Although we know that what is posted on Facebook and Snapchat is not the full picture, it still feeds our discontent. We MUST refuse to let other people set the bar for what we should have, or who we should be. One of the secrets to being content is realizing that no one else has my unique set of life experiences and skill sets. Other people should not be an index of happiness or achievement for me. If I shift the focus off others and set my own goals with a realization of who I am and who I want to be, I may just find out that life is not that unfair after all.
Are you still struggling with all the 'unfair' things that life seems to be throwing at you? Give us a call at 334.625.9528 and let us navigate this path with you. You do not have to do this alone. Call the Alabama Therapist today! Or click below to schedule an appointment.